Category: Personal Development

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Imagination and Empathy – Tools to Decrease Division and Conflict

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Division and conflict over a wide variety of topics and issues are a reality of life these days in the U.S. and across the globe. It truly is like we see different realities. What’s happened? Why are we so unable to understand others’ situations and perspectives? Could things improve if we expand our ability to imagine and empathize with other’s situations and perspectives?

Author and clergyman Stephen Mattson makes a powerful statement about this:

“When you can’t imagine, you can’t empathize, understand, or relate with the actions, struggles, pain, suffering, persecution, and trials of others — you become apathetic, unmoved, stoic, and inactive….

When you can’t imagine, you can’t celebrate, appreciate, admire, and joyfully love others. You disconnect yourself from humanity.

Imagination leads to empathy, empathy leads to understanding, understanding leads to action, action leads to experience, and experience leads to wisdom — which leads to even more imagination.”

Imagining someone’s situation that is outside our personal experience with all our senses breaks down barriers. When you imagine what it is like for that person, what they are dealing with, you become more empathetic and understanding. And that opens doors to so much more.

Understanding Empathy

So what exactly is empathy? How is it different from sympathy? I found this compilation to be helpful:

“Sympathy and empathy are both related to feelings, but they have different meanings and expressions. Sympathy is feeling compassion, sorrow, or pity for the hardships that another person encounters, or a recognition of what they are going through. Empathy is putting yourself in the shoes of another, understanding and experiencing their emotions or situation from their perspective, or using your experience to relate to their experience. Empathy is usually preferred over sympathy when dealing with difficult situations, because people need to feel understood rather than pitied.” Summarized from 5 sources and the web, Bing Search engine

Imagination is important to empathy because it takes you beyond your own thoughts and experiences.  As we expand our ability to imagine and empathize, we open our minds and hearts to new things.

Let’s break down empathy a bit more. There are 3 different types of empathy – emotional, cognitive and compassionate empathy with problem solving. The last is actually a combination of the first two.

Here’s one way to describe the difference between the first two types –

“Cognitive empathy is an attempt to walk a mile in another person’s shoes, while emotional empathy is screaming in pain when someone else steps on a nail.” Source: MasterClass.com.

Emotional empathy most often occurs when someone experiences something you’ve been through before. You re-live that situation and its pain with that person. Even if you haven’t experienced the same thing but have a relationship with the person, emotional empathy is possible. That can be extended to others beyond your circle of friends who are dealing with similar things.

Cognitive empathy is a conscious effort to understand the perspective of someone else. You relate to what someone else is going through even if you’ve never experienced it yourself. You aren’t inserting your personal point of view. There’s no bias on your part and you’re not trying to insert your own experiences. You may happily help another person and might even understand the point of view of an individual. You don’t necessarily identify with what caused the problem in the first place but respond with empathy.

Compassionate Empathy combines the emotional and cognitive and goes farther. It means looking at a situation and trying to get at the cause. You analyze the underlying reasons why something happened, as well as the effects.

With this ability, you can demonstrate to a person that you understand where they’re coming from to the degree possible. You don’t offer any bias or prejudice. You may even offer an alternative way of thinking or some insight that helps the person in need.

Expanding Our Abilities and Impact

Empathy in any form makes the world a better place. It’s selfless and caring. It is also a powerful tool to apply in many situations in our fractured society and world. We are fortunate to have resources to help us expand our ability to imagine and empathize.

TED’s series “How to Be a Better Human” includes this article: 5 exercises to help you build more empathy | (ted.com) It includes 5 exercises to help build your empathy from Dr. Jamil Zaki, Psychology professor at Stanford University. Dr. Zaki believes we all have a responsibility to cultivate empathy in “the same way that we try to take care of our bodies or of our mental health…building empathy is a way to take care of our social health.”

I recommend Dr. Zaki’s book, The War for Kindness – Building Empathy in a Fractured World by Jamil Zaki

Another resource was written specifically for educators but provides so much great content for everyone. Preventing Polarization: 50 Strategies for Teaching Kids About Empathy, Politics, and Civic Responsibility  by Michelle Blanchet and Brian Deters

Each of us can make a difference if we make the choice and seek out the tools and opportunities to expand our ability to imagine and empathize.

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. Visit my Amazon Author Page to find my published books: https://amazon.com/author/carolbrusegar

 

 

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Do You Want To Be a Super Learner?

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lifelong learningWe all agree that things continue to change, and it seems at an accelerating pace. Keeping up with it all can be a challenge. Whether technology changes, health and wellness advice, the businesses and shops within our local area, or any number of additional things, new things are available to us all the time. To keep up, it’s almost like we need to be a Super Learner.

Sometimes it’s just so much, and we hear those voices saying ‘you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.’ But those are old tapes and they do us a disservice. In fact, some of the new things available to us are insights about and approaches to our lifelong ability to learn and grow. At every stage of life, we make choices about what is worth our time learning, based on what will benefit or enrich us most.

No, at this age I’m not interested in learning to skateboard or do mathematical calculations. There are other things that I am simply interested in learning about or learning to do and if I prioritize them and figure out how, I can learn them. Is that how you approach learning new things?

Thomas Oppong wrote an extremely helpful article, “6 Habits of Super Learners.” I think you may find them interesting and useful as you strive to be a Super Learner.

Oppong’s first habit: super learners read a lot. He says, “In a world where information is the new currency, reading is the best source of continuous learning, knowledge and acquiring more of that currency.” As an avid reader, I am delighted to see this as number one.  The hard part of this – the overwhelming amount of new information available every day. That’s why it’s helpful to be connected with networks and individuals who offer some recommendations that are pertinent to us. It may be an online group or website or people who share your values and interests. Where do you find that input?

Adopting a growth mindset is another of Oppong’s habits.  A growth mindset is the opposite of a fixed mindset and it allows us to be open, curious and always ready to learn. This is especially important as we age. It can be too easy to slip into a pattern of assessing possibilities in the framework of our past rather than future opportunities of thought and action. Dr. Carol Dweck’s book, Mindset, the New Psychology of Success, provides much valuable information about how we can have a growth mindset.  Importantly, her approach is broad. When she speaks of success, it is in any part or endeavor of life. I’ve written about mindset in more detail here: https://carolbrusegar.com/mindset-growth-or-fixed/

The final tip I will share from the article is that super learners teach others what they know. As the author states, “Teaching others what you know is one of the most effective ways to learn, remember and recall new information. Psychologists call it the ‘retrieval practice.’” I expect that many of us have had that experience, formally or informally. It is a process of both deepening our understanding and putting it into action.

Increasing our super learning habits and skills can pay off in many ways.  How about starting with deciding what you would like to learn and determine what you need to be and do to make that a reality?

3-Part Bucket List & JournalPerhaps you are not sure what you want to learn right now.  Here’s a way to get started – a 3-Part Bucket List and Journal. With this 3-Part Bucket List, you will divide your desires into three main categories: 1) things I want to learn about, 2) things I want to learn to do, and 3) things I want to do. In addition there are goal setting/planning sheets, journaling pages and doodling/sketching/mind mapping pages.

3-Part Bucket List & Journal

Thomas Oppong has a variety of books on Amazon, which you can find here:  https://amzn.to/39szzf7

Mindset: The New Psychology of Success by Carol S. Dweck is available here: https://amzn.to/32H90A2

Each of us can be a super learner with a little effort!

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. Visit my Amazon Author Page to find my published books: https://amazon.com/author/carolbrusegar

Follow me on Twitter!     Follow me on Instagram!   Follow me on Pinterest!

        Follow me on Facebook!         Visit my Etsy Shop!

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Creating Your Personal Vision Statement – A Step-by-Step Process

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Personal Vision Statement

A vision is not just a picture of what could be;

it is an appeal to our better selves, a call to become something more.

~ Rosabeth Moss Kanter

 As stated in the previous post, https://carolbrusegar.com/personal-vision-statement-part-1/ , this is a perfect time to create a new Personal Vision Statement. We are still experiencing the effects and after-effects of the pandemic. After all the interruptions and dislocations of the past few years, creating a fresh one can be an energizing process.

Before we get started on the step-by-step process for doing this, I urge you to go back to that post to review the benefits and examples of statements.

Your Personal Vision Statement will encompass your values, goals, and purpose in life. It may focus on the totality of your life moving forward, or you may want to create a statement that is for a particular segment of your life – like the next 10 years, the time while you have children living at home, your retirement years, etc.

Here we go. Be sure to have a supply of paper and pens to write with and be prepared to spread the process over some days to be most meaningful.

GOALS

  1. Brainstorm every single thing you’d like to do and to be in your life. No censoring. Take some time with it. Carry the list around with you for a few days and add to it whenever something crosses your mind. Keep going until you feel like it is completed.
  2. Do some culling of your list. Think through every item you wrote down. Is this something that you want in your heart of hearts? Or is it something you think you want? Or that you think you should want? Cross out the ones in the last 2 categories.
  3. What’s left is a list of things you really want in your life. Which ones do you most want to accomplish? Some of them are going to exert a stronger pull on you than others. Put a star beside these.
  4. Now look at compatibility of the items on your list. Some may be contradictory or can’t be accomplished together. There may be some painful choices here — which goals do you want most? Which are you willing to sacrifice in order to get to the others? Mark off the ones that don’t make the cut.
  5. When you’re done, copy the surviving goals down onto a clean sheet of paper. This is the beginning of your vision statement.

STRENGTHS, SKILLS, WEAKNESSES

The second step in creating your Personal Vision Statement is to make a list of your strengths and skills and decide how they relate to what you want to do with your life.

  1. Strengths. What are your strengths as a person? Write down everything you can think of. This is another brainstorming session. Don’t judge yourself and don’t hold back because of uncertainty or insecurity.

Are you strong (physically or psychologically)? Stubborn? Independent? Are you a freethinker? Are you good at helping people get along? Are you highly intelligent? Empathic? Incredibly organized? You have a list of strengths just like everyone else. Don’t stop with this list until you feel like you’ve covered them all.

2. Skills. List every skill you can think of that you have, in particular those that are related to the goals you identified in step one. What skills do you currently have that will help you get to those goals? How many of those are good to go and which need work?

  1. Assessment of strengths and skills needed to reach your goals/intentions. Grab another sheet of paper and go back to your final list of priority goals. What are the strengths a person who reaches each of those goals must possess? Take the goals one at a time and identify strengths needed.

Then make another list of the skills needed to accomplish these goals.

  1. Identification of weaknesses/things to work on to accomplish your goals. Compare the two lists you’ve create – the one of strengths and skills you already have versus those needed to accomplish all of these goals you want to achieve.

The differences between the two are your weaknesses. These are things you need to work on if you’re going to make all your goals a reality. Circle all these weaknesses.

 If you like, you can add working on or developing some or all of these weaknesses to your personal vision statement. You don’t have to do so, but still  keep the list handy because you will have to work on these things if you want to reach your goals.

VALUES

Take another sheet of paper and title it “My Values.” What’s the most important thing in the world to you? Your top priority, the thing you work so hard for, the one rule you always follow, the one guideline you use to define everything else in your life.

This may require some thought. Or maybe you know right away what it is. If so, you’re one of the lucky ones.

The answer, when you come up with it, might be simple or it might be complex. It might be the Golden Rule. It could be taking care of your family. Making money is a top value for some people while making a difference is most important to others. Some write a single word, such as “love” or “caring.” To have your vision statement be genuine, make sure your values reflect your innermost self. Dig deep.

Once you have an answer, you’re going to write down your second and third most important values. These might take you a while as well. You might even discover you have two or three on the same level. That’s okay too.

Now write down any other values you hold in high importance. Don’t write down too many; you don’t want to dilute the issue. You’re going to want to include your top value in your vision statement. Depending on your personality, you might want to do your second and third most important and maybe a few others as well.

Putting It All Together – Writing Your Personal Vision Statement

You have the raw materials from what you’ve been writing. It will all come together into a meaningful Personal Vision Statement with your attention and patience.

  1. Collect what you’ve arrived at on a new sheet of paper. Write down all the things that need to be included in your vision statement: write down your most important goals, any strengths or skills you want to include, and your personal values. These together form the basis of your vision statement.
  1. Have fun with this step. Allow yourself time – at least as much as you spent combined on the first three steps. Be as creative as possible. Create drafts of your vision statement by playing around with words. Start a sentence with any of the following phrases and write until you have incorporated everything you want to include. Remember, your vision statement may be anywhere from one sentence to a short paragraph long.

Vision Statement Opening Words

“I am…”

“I want…”

“My purpose/mission/vision is…”

“My life will show…”

“To…”

“I will…”

“I won’t…”

Try several of these and play around with them. Come up with four or five draft vision statements. Use active, first-person verbs in all of them. That means you should write as “I [verb]” as much as you can.

Make multiple drafts of vision statements that all start with the same opening words. Add things in and take out other things. Use synonyms and antonyms.

Try different lengths, sentence structures, pacing, and tones. Make drafts that sound as different as possible while still expressing the same core set of beliefs.

How Will You Know When You’re Finished?

How will you know when you’re finished? If you’re extraordinarily lucky or a talented wordsmith, you might be able to come up with the perfect vision statement just from these drafts. If not, keep working on drafts until you get tired of it or frustrated.

Set the task aside for a day or two, then come back and read your drafts again. Circle things that you really like. Mark out things you don’t. The bits and pieces that you like are going to form the core of your final draft.

Start making another set of drafts and this time use only the phrases you’ve circled from your first drafts. Then repeat the process until you’ve formed a personal vision statement that suits you. You’ll know when you’re finished.

Having and using a Personal Vision Statement to provide clarity and inspiration is truly worth the time and energy you put into it. It can result in a pivot in your life, or a clearer view of what you already sense about the direction of your life. Enjoy the process and the outcome!

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. 

Great Resource For You

Dennis Becker has a publication that can be of great assistance as you begin the process of living out your vision – Unlock Your Ideal Self. He says, “It’s not a magic button, it’s a journey. It’s a journey you’re going to be thrilled to embark on and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. Imagine, in just a short time from now you could see some powerful, big changes in your life. Changes that will help you earn more, do better, and find what really makes you happy.” Check it out!

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Personal Vision Statement – A Tool for Direction, Motivation and Decision-making

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Vision is the true creative rhythm.  ~ Robert Delaunay

Does the idea of a Vision Statement excite you? Inspire you? Leave you cold? A Personal Vision Statement can be useful, especially if we keep it fresh and adjust as life progresses. A tired, dusty, tattered vision statement may have historical interest, but lacks power day to day.

This is a perfect time to look at Personal Vision Statements. We are still experiencing the effects and after-effects of the pandemic. After all the interruptions and dislocations of the past few years, creating a fresh one can be an energizing process. I am eager to do this myself. I have experienced lots of changes and frankly, a frequently muddled brain. I have less focus in some areas of my life and look to this to regain that.

What is a Personal Vision Statement?

Here’s a quick definition:

A Personal Vision Statement encompasses one’s values, goals, and purpose in life. Sometimes it also includes a statement of the lifetime impact you wish to have on the world. Perhaps you want to focus on the totality of your life moving forward, or you may want to create a statement that is for a particular segment of your life – like the next 10 years, the time while you have children living at home, your retirement years, etc.

Personal vision statements can encompass both personal and professional goals. They also tend to include a list of some deeply held personal values. They tend to be short, only a few sentences long.

Examples

Each of these examples include a simple statement, followed by more detail:

(from “25 Best Personal Vision Statement Examples, https://brandongaille.com/personal-vision-statement/)

To Empower My Children to Be Great

I commit that I will do all that I can to give my children the best life possible. I will ensure they have access to healthy food and are empowered to understand good health and nutrition. I will provide a roof over their head and access to education, so that they will not need anything. I will not allow them to become selfish or complacent by being spoiled by excess. I will teach them to appreciate and use the stability and financial surplus I will provide them to improve their own lives and to bless others.

Not Being Define By the Past

I commit that I am not defined by my experiences, but by who I am in light of my experiences. I will work hard to overcome past challenges and experiences. I will seek opportunities for personal and professional development to help me become a valuable contributor at work and in society. I will be an example to others that you can always improve, no matter what challenges life has given you.

Do these examples inspire you to do your own? I am eager to do this myself. I have experienced lots of changes and frankly, a frequently muddled brain. I have less focus in some areas of my life and look to this to regain that.

Benefits of a Personal Vision Statement

Personal Vision Statements have multiple benefits; here are the top three.

  1. It gives you a sense of direction

 A personal vision statement will provide you with a feeling of direction, of knowing where you are right now and where you are trying to go. If you start to feel lost or rudderless, look at your vision statement to help you realize the truth. This is an important psychological benefit – don’t underestimate it!

  1. It helps motivate you

 Personal vision statements have been shown to provide additional motivation when it’s lagging. It can provide you with that extra “oomph” you need to keep pushing and get yourself over the finish line when times are tough.

  1. It provides a framework for decision making

A personal vision statement helps with decision-making by providing a framework you can use to evaluate options, especially for complex decisions. Which options move you towards accomplishing your intentions? Which will move you further away? Which ones would let you uphold your values? Would any require you to break your values? These questions help you decide.

Getting Started

Creating your Personal Vision Statement is, well, personal! Everyone’s is different. It’s a creative process to come up with one that will be valuable to you.

This is best done as a hands-on, paper and pen process. Handwriting has advantages over keyboards for projects like this.  Somehow, it helps us access memory and emotion and find ideas. It gets the juices flowing.

The basic steps are writing down your goals/intentions, strengths, skills, weaknesses and values – these will be the basis of creating a powerful, useful Personal Vision Statement.

I hope you are getting excited about crafting your very own Personal Vision Statement! In the this post –  https://carolbrusegar.com/step-by-step-to-your-personal-vision-statement/ – you will find the steps in more detail and you will create your personal, powerful statement.

Great Resource For You

Dennis Becker has a publication that can be of great assistance as you begin the process of living out your vision – Unlock Your Ideal Self. He says, “It’s not a magic button, it’s a journey. It’s a journey you’re going to be thrilled to embark on and it’s unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. Imagine, in just a short time from now you could see some powerful, big changes in your life. Changes that will help you earn more, do better, and find what really makes you happy.” Check it out!

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. 

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Managing Your Perfectionist Tendencies

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Managing your Perfectionist Tendencies is an important life skill,.Are you a perfectionist? There’s nothing wrong with wanting things in your life just so, wanting things beautiful, wanting everything done right, and wanting to work hard to achieve great goals. Each of us has our own view of what is perfect, but there is no overall standard for it. Holding ourselves to perfectionism as we see it can be detrimental to our own health and insisting on our own standard can be detrimental to our relationships with others. Managing your perfectionist tendencies can be an important life skill.

High Standards and Reality

Yes, high standards for yourself in every area of your life are good. You don’t want low standards to live by, but you cannot set high standards and expect perfectionism from each of them. There isn’t a perfect life – or even a perfect job or a perfect mate. Looking perfect or behaving perfectly are unrealistic. Things don’t happen perfectly.

Set high standards but don’t make their achievement be the ultimate measure of your sense of accomplishment and wellbeing. Learn how to re-evaluate those standards as needed to allow for small imperfections and flexibility. Consider that striving for perfection can mean you don’t realize many of the goals or plans you desire because you spend so much time and energy that it decreases what you can do.

Pressure and Perfectionism

If you believe that things must be just so, done this way, or appear that way, you are putting too much pressure on yourself. For example, if you cannot leave your home without everything being put away and all things looking perfectly clean, you might put a lot of pressure on yourself if you’re already running late.

If you take the time to clean up, you could be late for work, the kids could be late for school, and you could be so stressed as you are driving that you ruin your morning and theirs. Are those possible outcomes worth the clean house? Making choices with a larger perspective is important.

Mental Health and Perfectionism

You’ll drive yourself crazy if you want things perfect and don’t allow any room for mistakes. In fact, your own mental and emotional health can be affected with depression, anxiety and other impacts of stress. And you’ll damage relationships with people around you too.

4 Tricks to Keep Perfectionism in Check on a Daily Basis

Here are some tips to help in managing your perfectionist tendencies on a daily basis: 

  1. Prioritize

Perfectionists often spend far too much time trying to perform even mundane tasks perfectly. Take some time to consider what in your life you feel most strongly about being the highest quality. Then try to let go of other things as being subject to the ‘perfect’ requirement.

As you look at your daily activities, make decisions about when to do them and how much time to spend on them based on that assessment. Prioritize the most important things. This can decrease pressure and increase your satisfaction.

  1. Take Mistakes in Stride

If you’re a perfectionist, making a mistake can feel crippling and derail your productivity for the rest of the day. Practice taking your mistakes in stride and seeing them as opportunities to learn something for the future. Rather than dwelling on and feeling badly about it, focus on the future and how to avoid the mistake or improve the next time.

  1. Take a Perspective Break

Next time you find yourself panicking over a small detail that isn’t perfect or stressed about all you have to do perfectly that day, take a step back and give yourself a ‘perspective break.’ Simply ask yourself how important a task really is. By forcing yourself to assess its importance, you’ll be able to recognize when you’re obsessing over less important tasks and save time for working on the things that actually matter.

  1. Get a Friend’s Take

Another way to keep your tasks and problems in perspective is to ask a friend for their take on things. If you’re convinced that your room just doesn’t look right no matter how you arrange it, for example, ask a friend what they think. Their comments can show you if it’s your inner perfectionist speaking or what could be changed for a better result. This can make it easier to realize when the detail you’re stuck on simply isn’t a big deal or give you helpful input.

  1. Hold Yourself Accountable with Kindness

There’s nothing wrong with striving for excellence, but if that comes at a cost to sanity or self-esteem, it is not worth it. Staying kind and understanding about your own flaws and inconsistencies is key to sharing that generosity of spirit with others.

Replace your harsh and demeaning thoughts and self-talk when things aren’t ‘perfect’ with positive reinforcements. Give yourself a break by looking back at your track record of successes instead of the shortcomings. This can encourage you as you continue managing your perfectionist tendencies to make your life and relationships more enjoyable and fulfilling.

If you want to do more work in this area, I recommend this journal. The Perfectionism Journal is new in spring of 2022 and provides prompts, exercises and room for reflections. Check it out to see if it will be a tool for you. https://amzn.to/3Fm0PfK

 

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be.

 

Follow me on Twitter!     Follow me on Instagram!   Follow me on Pinterest!

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Becoming More Adaptable in Challenging Times

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Tips to Being More AdaptableWe are living in uncertain times. It’s not the first time, of course. There has never been a time when people could be certain exactly how their lives would play out. That’s life. We can’t possibly plan for every outcome, so we must adapt when we are faced with new realities. Becoming more adaptable has become extremely important as we have  experienced uncertainty in so many parts of our lives since the beginning of the pandemic. Flexibility has become more and more important; I previously wrote about that here: Developing a Flexible Mindset When Uncertainty Reigns

What have you learned about your adaptability during the past couple of years? Have you strengthened your adaptability muscles? Or perhaps you are experiencing fatigue from all the adapting you have done and would just like things to stop changing so much. As we move forward, the challenges continue and we are being called upon to continue to adapt.

Here are 8 tips for becoming more adaptable. Some may be your usual ways of adapting, some may be new or forgotten concepts.

Have a Guiding Light

Life throws all kinds of surprising situations and obstacles in your path. If you have a guiding light or a purpose, you will find it easier to adapt and get back on track. Even if your short-term goals and plans are derailed, you will know your general direction and adjust accordingly. Perhaps your guiding light/purpose has shifted in these past couple of years. Find ways to keep your purpose before you in the midst of changes.

Have a Flexible Comfort Zone

We all crave some stability and things we can count on. It is the foundation from which we live our lives. However, it’s possible for that to become a rut, a place that we refuse to leave. When we are forced to leave our comfort zone as we have in many ways recently, we create new ones. Moving forward, be intentional about keeping your comfort zone flexible. Do some different things regularly so you will be more comfortable when outside factors mandate changes.

Practice With Low-Stake Activities

Adaptability is like any skill. You can hone and strengthen it through repeated use. If you aren’t good at rolling with the punches, try starting small. Becoming more adaptable can be making as simple as changing your route to work. And those changes provide new experiences that can be enjoyable.

Commit to Learning

Life always includes learning. A hallmark of adaptability is having a wide spectrum of knowledge. By making lifelong learning a priority you are building adaptability into your life. You will find it much easier to adjust your approach if you have the skills and knowledge you need.

 Stay On Top of Current Events

While watching the news every night can be hard, you should strive to stay on top of current events and trends. Spotting an emerging trend that might affect you will help you prepare for any adjustments you have to make. It also raises your awareness of opportunities that are important for your health and wellbeing.

Accept That Things Will Not Always Go As Intended

Life is going to be full of disappointments and mistakes. This is especially true if you are regularly forced to adapt to changing circumstances. Even the best-laid plans can be affected by forces out of our control. The key is to redefine these things from personal failures to opportunities to learn new things and try something else.

Say “Yes” More Often

People are often told they should “no” more often. Setting healthy boundaries is important. However, there are things we may need to say “yes” to more often also. By accepting new and different challenges, you will be training your adaptability.  Becoming more adaptable includes being intentional about what you say “yes” to as well as what you decline.

Let Go of Attachment

The idea of attachment is a key tenet of Buddhism. Our inability to detach from our ideas of how things should be can hold us back from a fulfilled life. This is good advice for those who struggle with adaptability. When you let go of your idea of how things need to be, you make it easier to adjust when things change.

 Becoming more adaptable is an ongoing effort. We always want stability and things we can count on. Balancing that with a desire for self-initiated change and ability to adapt to changes put upon us is a goal of life.

If you would like to explore more aspects of this, check out:

How to Survive Change . . . You Didn’t Ask for: Bounce Back, Find Calm in Chaos, and Reinvent Yourself by M.J. Ryan

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be.

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Being in a State of Flow – High Energy and Focused Productivity

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Being in a State of Flow – High Energy and Focused ProductivityFLOW is used in two ways in our psychological lexicon. As go with the flow – relax, allow life/the universe to flow through you and as in the zone, a state of flow – a mental state of high energy and focused productivity and enjoyment in the process.

As I think of flow, I think of rivers, which illustrate both usages. My experience is of these rivers – the Yahara that flows lazily through my hometown in Wisconsin, the majestic Mississippi as it flows through Minneapolis, my home for 40 years, and the Cumberland that flows through Nashville where I lived for ten years. Each of these rivers flow freely in some parts of their length and are controlled by dams at points. Where there are dams, the water that is harnessed for a purpose before returning to a more placid flow again. The state of flow is rather like that.

How often do you feel “in the zone” or in a state of flow? For many of us, it is less frequent than we would like. The exciting thing is that we can in fact create it on demand by following some guidelines and practicing them!

This concept of flow was recognized and named in 1975 by psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyl. This is how he described it in an interview with Wired Magazine: “The ego falls away. Time flies. Every action, movement, and thought follows inevitably from the previous one, like playing jazz. Your whole being is involved, and you’re using your skills to the utmost.”

When you are in a state of flow, work becomes effortless. And it doesn’t just happen at work. You may get into the “flow” while you’re working on projects around the house or working on a writing or artistic project. No matter what you’re working on, “flow” can make you feel amazing… almost like you have a super power.

Attributes of Flow

Flow is a State Of Mind

“Being in the flow” is a state of mind. That means you control getting into it. Pay attention to what happens to your thinking, your feelings, and your surroundings when you get into the flow naturally. This will help you when it’s time to get in the flow on demand.

Your Energy Levels Are High

The next thing you’ll notice when you get into the flow state is that your energy is really high. You’ll be able to focus and make progress on whatever project you’re working on for a long time – until you’re either disrupted or exhausted.

You’re Highly Focused

The next big sign of being in the flow is that you are very focused. Tasks that usually take you hours, get done in half an hour. Email, social media, the phone, Netflix, or the pile of dishes in the sink suddenly aren’t the big distractions they usually present. You’re hunkered down, focusing on the task at hand with your blinders on.

You’re Having Fun

Last but not least you’re having a lot of fun when you’re in flow. It’s exhilarating and time is flying. Being focused and getting a ton done in a short amount of time makes you feel incredibly accomplished and proud. Endorphins start to kick in and you do feel a bit like a super hero.

How to Intentionally Get Into Flow

Flow does happen to us occasionally without our intention. It’s a wonderful gift. Even better, we actually can generate it on demand. Getting into a state of flow is a bit of a personal thing. It works a little differently for each of us because we are all motivated by different things and various factors help us get into the flow.

Mindset

As noted at the beginning, your state of mind or MINDSET is key to this whole process. Getting into a state of  flow is mostly about getting out of your own way and allowing it to happen.

It’s important to not let yourself get distracted and to build your confidence that you can indeed become adept at getting yourself into the flow on demand. It will take practice – like any new skill.

Being motivated, inspired and excited about a project is perhaps the largest factor in getting into a state of flow. Spend a couple of minutes thinking about why you are doing this particular project. It may be a passion project of your own, an assigned work project, or even something you don’t necessarily want to do (filing taxes, perhaps?). Whatever it is, there is a reason why you are doing it. For things in the must-do category, find a stronger, more emotional reason to help you get motivated, stay focused and on task. What deeper benefits will you have from completing any of these items? As you proceed, keep reminding yourself of this inspiration.

Use Deadlines

Having a deadline can help you get into the flow because it forces you to cut out all distractions and gives your mind no choice but to focus on the task at hand. It may not be the most pleasant way to get into the flow, but it is frankly one of the most effective ways.

Give it a try. Pick a task. It can be something small and easy for practice. Then set yourself a deadline. If you can make it a real deadline all the better. For example, tell your friend that you can’t meet her for lunch until all the filing is done, or promise your kids to take them to the park in 30 minutes, but tell yourself that you have to finish writing the blog post you’ve been working on first.

In a future post I will address more about using this tool to enrich our life experiences. In the meantime, you may be interested in the most recent edition of the book that elevated this concept into popular culture:

Flow: The Psychology of Optimal Experience by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi  

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. 

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HABITS, ROUTINES AND RITUALS – CLAIMING THEIR POWER IN TIMES OF CHANGE

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Many of our habits, routines and rituals have changed over the past two years as we adapted to the reality of the pandemic. They may have changed repeatedly. As we move forward again, it is an ideal time to look at how we can adapt or create these practices for our current situations.

Habits, routines and rituals are related but distinct practices that can be formed and nurtured to simplify and enhance our lives. The more aware and intentional about them we are, the more effective they can be. Note: There is a flip side too! We can easily fall into habits, routines and rituals that are negative or more of a rut. Identifying the negatives and ruts and strategies for breaking out of them is a separate topic. The focus of this article is to look at these practices and how to use them effectively.

What Makes Them Helpful?

Why are positive habits and routines so helpful to us? It has to do with our brain capacity. Did you know that we all have a finite number of decisions that we can make in any given day? You may have noticed that it gets harder to make decisions toward the end of the day. Habits and routines help reduce the number of decisions we have to make and thus free brain space for more creative and productive thinking and also reduce daily stress.

Habits

It’s hard to argue that humans are indeed “creatures of habit.” Habits are necessary for us to navigate our lives successfully. Think of all the things you do by habit – things you do repeatedly and automatically, often almost involuntarily or unconsciously. Brushing your teeth morning and night, adjusting the thermostat as you head for bed, getting your morning coffee, turning on the morning news show on television, or whatever your particular automatic actions may be. Something triggers you – also likely subconsciously – and you take that action.

Routines

And then there are routines. Often the two are confused or used interchangeably. They are however distinct. Routines are a series of habits or activities that you combine for specific parts of the day or certain repeat situations. For example, the things you do between the time you awaken each morning and the time you are settled into your work, home or school activity for the day. Or your fitness or exercise routine. Or a writing routine if you are a writer/journaler. Or a study routine for students. You may have different routines for weekend days than weekdays.

Routines require more intention and effort to complete than simple habits. The series of things you do each morning may or may not actually be a routine. They may just be a series of actions that you take, not necessarily in the same order each day, maybe adjusting freely depending on circumstances. Or it actually may be a routine that has a sequence that you don’t change, in a firm timeline. Doing this gives you satisfaction and a launch for the rest of the day. If that is upset, your day doesn’t start well.

What are the routines that will be most helpful for you right now? Are there changes in what you are doing that will enhance your life?

Rituals

Sociologist Robert Wuthnow says, “rituals are any actions or events that have symbolic meaning beyond their instrumental value.” These meanings can be personal or collective and expressed alone or with others. They also have some unique characteristics. As Gustava Razzetti says in his Fearless Culture blog:   “A ritual is a sequence of activities  that are performed in a particular place and according to a set progression.  A ritual must have a clear beginning, middle, and end.”

Many of us have experienced religious rituals – the pattern of a regular service or gathering, a specific liturgy, sacraments such as baptism and holy communion. Both faith and other types of groups have rituals for particular times of the year. For example, I’ve been part of a burning bowl ritual on New Year’s Eve to burn the bits of paper on which each person has written what they want to leave behind from the previous year. Clubs and civic groups have rituals to begin and end meetings, how new members are added, and more. These are intended to solidify belonging and group identity.

We may have family rituals around family meals or holiday meals, how we put beloved pets to rest, how certain milestone birthdays are celebrated.

Individual rituals are used by many performers and athletes to prepare for an event or appearance. They are all intended to get the person into the right mindset/frame of mind to be able to perform their very best.

Creating rituals is a life-enhancing process that we can all participate in. The disconnection that we have all experienced during the years of the pandemic has made us more aware of ways we connected with others and how much we have missed them. This awareness is an impetus for many people and groups to recover, reinvent or create rituals as we move forward.

Elements of Ritual to Enhance Routines

You can also add an element of ritual to some routines to provide meaning and focus. Picking up a specific pen is a signal to you that you are beginning your writing routine. Putting it away is the end of that meaningful session. Putting on your best walking/running shoes or a particular baseball hat is a signal to begin your walking or running routine.

Such actions become triggers and motivators. Even if you aren’t feeling very much like doing the routine, taking that action can get you started without the mental conflict or feeling the need to engage great will power. Once established, it becomes a key to opening up that experience every time. And that helps you do the things you want to do with more ease.

Habits, routines and rituals are tools that we can use in many areas of life. They are especially helpful as we experience change, external and internal – as we all have in the past two years. As I researched and wrote this article, my interest in learning more grew. There are so many dimensions to be explored. If you also are intrigued with the possibilities, I recommend checking out these books:

Atomic Habits  by James Clear  Atomic/atom-sized/tiny habits to change many aspects of life are the focus of this book.

Daily Routine Planner  Use this planner including worksheets to create routines for all parts of the day and more.

The Power of Ritual  by Casper Ter Kuile.  Learn how to turn everyday activities into intentional rituals that will nurture your soul and transform life.

 

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be.

 

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Gratitude is a Big Deal – But Why is That?

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GratitudeGratitude is a big deal. It’s good for all of us, as we feel it, express it and share it. In the month of November, there is a big push for it on social media and elsewhere. Perhaps it’s part of your reflections at the end of a year or whenever you are regrouping. Nurturing it as part of our daily lives besides those occasional bursts is beneficial in many ways.

Gratitude IS a big deal. It is part of our relationships, our connection with our higher power, and how we view the world. Numerous studies have identified the benefits of having an attitude of gratitude. Note that this is not an occasional expression, but an attitude or a mindset that is part of our way of living life. Here are five benefits identified in studies:

Benefit #1 – Gives More Patience

Researchers at Northeastern University have found that people who felt grateful for the little everyday things in their lives were more patient and better able to make sensible decisions, compared to those who didn’t feel thankful on a daily basis.

Benefit #2 – Improves Relationships

Feeling grateful toward your partner, other family members and friends (and their gratitude to you) can improve numerous aspects of a relationship, according to a recent study published in the Journal of Theoretical Social Psychology. This includes stronger feelings of connectedness and overall satisfaction between you.

This extends beyond our close relationships. A 2014 study discovered that thanking an acquaintance for a kindness more often than not makes them seek a deeper relationship with you. It doesn’t matter how small the kindness. Simply acknowledging little deeds leads to new relationship opportunities, and of course, more happiness.

Benefit #3 – Improves Health

Gratitude increases optimism, and optimism has been proven to boost the immune system. According to a study by Harvard Medical school, those who are optimistic live happier, healthier, longer lives.

Benefit #3 – Improves Sleep

Feeling grateful can help you sleep better and for longer. This is most likely because you have more positive thoughts before you go to sleep, which can help to soothe the nervous system. If you are going to make a daily gratitude list, or keep a gratitude journal, studies have shown that it is best to do this right before bed.

Benefit #4 – Eases Depression

Recent studies have shown that by practicing the “three good things” exercise daily, you can see considerable improvements in depression and overall happiness, sometimes in as little as a few weeks. The activity prompts you to think of three good things or moments that happened during the day. It interrupts the gloom and downward spiral that depression creates.

According to another study, even a one-time act of thoughtful appreciation produced a 10% increase in happiness and 35% reduction in depression.

Benefit #5 – Gives You Happiness that Lasts

Numerous things can give you a boost of happiness, from a compliment to a sugary treat. Unfortunately, these kinds of instant gratification can quickly disappear and leave you craving more. Gratitude, on the other hand, is something that can lead to a much more sustainable form of happiness because it isn’t based in that immediate gratification, but rather a state of mind. If you take the time to regularly express gratitude and thankfulness for the things in your life, you are more than likely to see long-lasting happiness. I wrote earlier about this here: http://carolbrusegar.com/gratitude-beyond-lists-moment/

Cultivating and sustaining an attitude of gratitude can have these benefits and more. If you already have this mindset and approach to life, you may appreciate its benefits even more now. If you would like to build an attitude of gratitude into your life, find more inspiration and tools to help you accomplish this.

Let’s start with a simple monthly Gratitude Wheel. This is free, downloadable and printable. Each day, fill in a spoke of the wheel with what you are grateful for that day. At the end of the month you will have a visual that you can tape up where you can see it or put in a notebook. I love the visual as an option to the lists that gratitude journals provide. Download it here:   http://carolbrusegar.com/Gratitude-Wheel

Perhaps a daily reading will provide inspiration for you. Consider one of the 365 Days of Gratitude compilations of the Community Book Project. There are two completely different volumes.

365 Days of Gratitude 2022

365 Days of Gratitude 2021

Gratitude is a big deal! May your attitude of gratitude enhance your life every day!!

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be.

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Thanksgiving Ideas, Resources, and Gratitude (With a Free Gratitude Journal)

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Planning for ThanksgivingAre you having a Thanksgiving gathering with friends or family? Most often we focus on the feast part of the gathering. In addition to that, some planning ahead to have enjoyable activities as part of the day can make it even better.

Last Thanksgiving I shared a collection of online resources to engage and entertain children and the whole family for the day and the entire weekend. There are great things to download and print, games, learning opportunities, recipes, and more. Plan for enjoyment:   https://carolbrusegar.com/thanksgiving-free-online-resources-entertain-family/

Gratitude is Powerful

Things are much better in so many ways than what we’ve experienced since the beginning of the pandemic. There are still challenges and many are still grieving losses. This can make it difficult to fully embrace gratitude. Yet the very intention to identify, acknowledge and celebrate can be therapeutic in the midst of  challenging times.

Gratitude is powerful. It can shift our thoughts and mindset and open us to more positives. It can inspire us to do things to enrich others’ lives. Expressing our gratitude to people who have enhanced our lives and supported us through difficult times helps both us and those to whom we communicate.

Adela Rubio describes 3 reasons that gratitude shifts our energy: It shifts your focus to the present moment, creates a new orientation, and establishes a indelible connection with Source. “Gratitude is a powerful transformation tool. It changes you and the world you live in!”  https://adelarubio.com/3-reasons-gratitude-shifts-energy/#

As we move toward the official celebration of Thanksgiving, it is an ideal time to structure a gratitude time into our lives. It can be as simple as having a small notebook or some paper clipped together where you write five things each day. As the days pass and you look back, you can see where you have been and what has touched you. Another approach, recommended by Sonja Lyubomirsky, PhD and professor at the University of California Riverside, is a weekly gratitude exercise. Once a week, perhaps Sunday evening, reflect upon and write down five things for which you are grateful. For some, daily expression becomes boring and routine; weekly can be more meaningful.

Or you can take a more structured approach with prompts for you to write about each day (or less frequently but regularly). I offer you this free, directly downloadable 30-day Gratitude Journal to get started (or to resume a left-behind practice).  30 Day Gratitude Journal

Z. Colette Edwards, MD, MBA has written a post that includes multiple aspects of gratitude. It was written this year and reflects our current reality in the midst of the pandemic.  Dr. Edwards is a physician and life/executive/wellness coach who blends traditional medical and integrative perspectives in her work.

Dr. Edwards includes a list of 20 Ways to Celebrate Gratitude which focuses on things we can do to express our gratitude to others, which has benefits for both ourselves and the recipients. For example, “Email or text notes or drawings to healthcare workers” or “Verbally thank the grocery store clerk who is stocking shelves non-stop or checking one customer out after another, and thus putting themselves at risk.” Here is the full post: https://peopletweaker.com/hcr-blog/gratitude-during-difficult-times/

As we move toward Thanksgiving, embrace the powerful force of gratitude. Cultivating gratitude in yourself and encouraging it in others can be enrich our experience now and for the weeks and months ahead.

Here’s a book with 105 short essays on gratitude. Each is written by a different author with a unique perspective and story. It’s a great thing to pick up and read an essay or two when you need a boost.  A Gift of Gratitude

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be.

        Follow me on Twitter!     Follow me on Instagram!   Follow me on Pinterest!    Follow me on Facebook!         Visit my Etsy Shop!