Month: June 2023

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The Danger of Toxic Positivity and Finding a Better Way

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“Look on the bright side.” “Put on a Happy Face” OR: “There’s no hope.” “We’re going down the tubes.” These extremes are prevalent these days. How do we deal with challenging situations both in our personal and collective lives? Some promote the always-positive approach – at the extreme, toxic positivity; others focus only on negatives.

Toxic Positivity

Positive thinking is usually a good thing. It can also be dangerous and toxic when taken to an extreme.

You may be asking questions like these. How can positivity be toxic? Can a positive person potentially poison themselves and others with a relentlessly upbeat outlook? How are you supposed to get over life’s many difficulties if you don’t adopt a positive attitude?

As with many things, toxic positivity is an extreme approach that includes no acceptance of painful or difficult experiences. Think positive! Keep going! No matter how our situation is, keep a positive mindset! Power through. Psychotherapist Babita Spinelli defines toxic positivity as:

“A belief that no matter how painful a situation is or how difficult, an individual should maintain positivity and change their outlook to be happy or grateful.”

What Toxic Positivity Can Look Like

We can find examples of toxic positivity within our collective experience of the COVID-19 pandemic. Even in the face of millions of worldwide deaths and a virus that seemed unstoppable, many people flaunted their toxic positivity. They refused to even entertain the idea that they would become victims. Videos were posted on social media of people gathering in the hundreds without wearing masks and social distancing.

Those people put themselves and their loved ones in danger because they ignore reality. They dismissed any negative emotions and responded to distress with an absolute refusal to accept that the world was presenting them with anything but the rosiest of pictures. The Psychology Group speaks of this relentless positive outlook as “… the dark side of the ‘positive vibes’ trend.” They define toxic positivity as:

“The excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state across all situations. Toxic positivity leads to the denial, minimization, and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience.”

Toxic Negativity

 In the midst of the pandemic we also saw attacks on public health experts who continued to study and update recommendations during this fast-spreading pandemic – and on those who were following the guidance. Toxic negativity polluted the dialogue and created great conflict. We became familiar with gaslighting too – the practice of causing someone to question their reality (Miriam Webster dictionary) by systematically feeding them false information.

Avoiding the Extremes

Toxic positivity can ruin relationships because the person presenting the “positive at all costs” mindset can be deemed insensitive or dismissive. A person can become ill-prepared for hard times when they fail to accept and deal with harsh reality. Toxic Negativity sucks the life out of a room or a relationship. Being critical of everything, assigning negative motivations or descriptions to everything the person disagrees with – it’s almost impossible to have a discussion with that person. There’s no room for finding positive solutions.

Somewhere in the middle is positive and realistic thinking. It can sound like “I/we can get out of here. I know this might look like a difficult situation right now, but if we use our heads and keep our wits, we can figure a way out.” We begin digging, climbing, and doing whatever we can to improve the situation. We think positively but not unrealistically. An approach that addresses the situation directly and right away is better than just having a seat and hoping for the best.

A combination of realistic responses to negative situations and a positive attitude that you can get through them is the recipe for success when dealing with life’s hardships. Adopt a positive outlook. Positive people have been proven to live longer than those who embrace negativity 24/7. Just be sure you don’t ignore negative feelings or life events.

In addition to this, protect yourself from people who exhibit toxic negativity. Limit your exposure to them. Set boundaries. Cut tirades short.

These two books provide much more information on this topic. Check them out.

Toxic Positivity, Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed With Being Happy by Whitney Goodman

Toxic Positivity, How to Be Yourself, Avoid Positive Thinking Traps, Master Difficult Situations, Control Negative emotions and Thoughts by Chase Hill

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. Visit my Amazon Author Page to find my published books: https://amazon.com/author/carolbrusegar

 

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Cultivating Curiosity to Enrich Your Life

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Curiosity, simply put, is “ the desire to learn or know about anything; inquisitiveness.” It’s a natural part of our humanity, from birth on. It can be discouraged or suppressed by parents and others in the quest to manage behavior. As adults, cultivating curiosity can be incredibly valuable to our lives. In fact:

 Curiosity is one of the most permanent and certain characteristics of a vigorous intellect.  ~ Samuel Johnson

Curiosity about life in all of its aspects, I think, is still the secret of great creative people.  ~ Leo Burnett

Curiosity opens us up to new people, places, and experiences. It can keep us feeling young and better prepared to deal with a changing world. I value my natural curiosity and try to continually nurture it. It has taken me down paths of understanding and learning and built bridges with other people. Curiosity is essential to understanding other people – especially those whose backgrounds and experiences are quite different from yours. It is a prerequisite to engaging our imagination and empathy also. Read more here: Imagination and Empathy – Tools to Decrease Division and Conflict .

These nine tips make cultivating curiosity in your life easier:

  1. Embrace The Unknown

Many of us fear the unknown, or at least have no interest in “digging deeper.” One of the best ways to cultivate your curiosity is to embrace the things you don’t know. If you take the time to learn about the things you don’t know, you will be surprised by some of the things you learn.

  1. Ask More Questions

Don’t be afraid to ask people more questions. This is not only one of the best ways to learn, but it’s also a great way to stay curious. When you ask the right questions (why, who, how) it will lead you down paths you never thought of before.

  1. Read More Often

If you aren’t an avid reader, strive to become one. Start small if you have to. Try to read a new book every month. You don’t have to focus on learning either. Quite often, a good fiction novel will capture your attention in unique ways that help foster curiosity. If you are a voracious reader, consider trying a new genre or seek out authors you haven’t yet explored.

  1. Stop Saying “I’m Bored”

Do you ever say “I’m bored” out loud? If so – next time catch yourself. Instead of saying you are bored, take in your surroundings and see if you can focus your attention on something else. Simply grabbing a pamphlet in a waiting room might inspire you in unexpected ways. Especially in those times when you have to wait in a doctor’s office, the Department of Motor Vehicles, etc., bring something to read or explore something new on your phone.

  1. Be More Present

Try to be more mindful of the world around you and your place in it. Instead of worrying about the future, fretting about the past, multitasking, or checking your phone – just let yourself be. When you are more aware of your surroundings, you will find yourself more curious about them. Rather than going into auto pilot when you are taking the same route to a place you go regularly, try an alternate route and observe as you go.

  1. Listen More Than You Speak

Listening to others is one of the best ways to spark your curiosity. You never know which tidbit is going to catch your attention and lead you down paths unknown. When you speak too much, you miss out on these types of opportunities.

  1. Learn Something New

Is there anything you have wanted to learn but never bothered?  There has never been a better time to learn about something new. With almost all universities and colleges offering online learning and websites like Udemy, there is no lack of ways to learn something new. And in-person classes at community colleges or community centers are a great option.

  1. Start Taking Notes

You would be surprised how much you notice about the world around you when you keep notes. Things you might notice in the moment, then normally forget later, can be captured forever by taking notes. Capture questions that pop into your mind too. Those can so easily be lost. Nothing beats an actual notebook, but there are plenty of phone apps that ensure you can jot down your thoughts anytime. Then go back regularly and explore some of those topics.

  1. Forget Your Fears

We let fear take control far too often. You won’t ever experience something new if you are too scared to take a chance. You may have apprehension about the activity itself, or of people’s reactions to you going in that direction. Worrying about the thoughts of others can be a huge and unnecessary block. If something interests you, go for it – don’t fear the judgment of others.

Here are 3 specific ways to get started cultivating curiosity today:

  • Think about a topic that you have a casual interest in but never really explored. Start an internet search about it, and dive in. Don’t worry if you go down another tangent – that’s curiosity!
  • Make a “to-read” list. Search an online bookstore and find some titles that speak to you or capture your interest. Try to find at least 12. This will give you a manageable list to conquer in a year.
  • Commit to learning something new. It can be a new skill or just a topic that interests you. Find an online course (there is probably a free or cheap option!) and sign up.

As you are cultivating curiosity in your life, you may find these books which go much deeper of interest:

 Curious: The Desire to Know and Why Your Future Depends On It

A Curious Mind: The Secret to a Bigger Life 

I’m Carol Brusegar, author, photographer and curator of information. My focus is on gathering and writing on topics that enhance all our lives – regardless of our age. Topics include health and wellness, personal development, innovation and creativity, and a variety of helpful, practical tools and practices. I have a special interest in helping people over 50 years of age to create their 3rd Age – the next stage of their lives – to be the best it can be. Visit my Amazon Author Page to find my published books: https://amazon.com/author/carolbrusegar